Political and Entertainment Humor Peppered With A Garnish Of Logic

Ian McKellen for DEPENDS

Me as Ian McKellen tackles the DEPENDS for Men ad, in his inimitable style.

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John Boehner for DEPENDS

John Boehner, contemplating life after the speakership, decides to do an ad for DEPENDS for Men.  It's me of course, doing his voice on text read off a Depends ad on Amazon:

Maybe you took a hit during some pick-up football and experienced a little bladder leakage. Stay in the game with DEPEND Guards for Men, Maximum Absorbency. The cup-shaped incontinence pad fits into your own underwear to help protect against larger surges of wetness.

With a strong adhesive to lock into place, the Guards won’t bulge. They’re also designed with Comfort-Flex Leak Barriers for added protection when you need it most. DEPEND Guards for Men offer maximum absorbency, allowing you to feel confident and focus on life.  


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Al Pacino tries to read an ad for DEPENDS for Men, but Matthew McConaughey keeps interrupting.  It's all me, of course, for your enjoyment.

Are You Incontinent?

A little bladder leaking isn't enough to keep you from an active lifestyle. Whether you are hitting 18 holes on the golfing green or dancing with your lady, you can stay confident with DEPEND Guards for Men. The Guards lock into your own underwear. Adhesive strips ensure stay-put comfort when active. While you’re out with the guys or on the dance floor, the DEPEND Guards for Men’s cup-like shape stays close to your body to avoid a bulge, helping you stay discreet.

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Me as my hero, Bernie Sanders, Independent Senator and one of the nicest senators who's ever served in both the Senate and in the House as an 8 term Congressman.  This is his bio, which I read as him:

Bernie Sanders was elected to the U.S. Senate in 2006 after serving 16 years in the House of Representatives. He is the longest serving independent member of Congress in American history. Born in 1941 in Brooklyn, Bernie was the younger of two sons in a modest-income family. After graduation from the University of Chicago in 1964, he moved to Vermont. Early in his career, Sanders was director of the American People’s Historical Society. Elected Mayor of Burlington by 10 votes in 1981, he served four terms. Before his 1990 election as Vermont's at-large member in Congress, Sanders lectured at the John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard and at Hamilton College in upstate New York. The Almanac of American Politics has called Sanders a "practical" and "successful legislator." He has focused on the shrinking middle class and widening income gap in America that is greater than at any time since the Great Depression. Other priorities include reversing global warming, universal health care, fair trade policies, supporting veterans and preserving family farms. He serves on five Senate committees: Budget; Veterans; Energy; Environment; and Health, Education, Labor and Pensions. He chairs the Veterans' Affairs Committee. 
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Me as Morgan Freeman reading the opening narration for Stephen Spielberg's War Of The Worlds (2005)

[first lines]

Narrator: No one would have believed in the early years of the 21st century that our world was being watched by intelligences greater than our own; that as men busied themselves about their various concerns, *they* observed and studied, the way a man with a microscope might scrutinize the creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. With infinite complacency, men went to and fro about the globe, confident of our empire over this world. Yet across the gulf of space, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic regarded our planet with envious eyes and slowly, and surely, drew their plans against us.

[last lines]

Narrator: From the moment the invaders arrived, breathed our air, ate and drank, they were doomed. They were undone, destroyed, after all of man's weapons and devices had failed, by the tiniest creatures that God in his wisdom put upon this earth. By the toll of a billion deaths, man had earned his immunity, his right to survive among this planet's infinite organisms. And that right is ours against all challenges. For neither do men live nor die in vain.

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It's pretty much a given that voice impressionists have to do this when emulating the venerable Morgan Freeman.

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I recently did a show with Scott Henderson's Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio back on Dec. 17 and apparently they are gluttons for punishment as I've been asked to appear weekly bringing my own brief but warped brand of humor.  Tune in by going to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/shenderson19 every Sunday 10 AM E.S.T. 

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"It's 11 O'Clock. Do you know where your children are?  They're on my lawn! Get 'em off!"

Me as legendary Irv Weinstein...who sounds a little like Perry Mason, no?
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As you may notice on this podcast, I do a variety of voices.  Well, for 20 bucks per minute, you can pretty much have me say anything as one of the celebrities or politicians you hear throughout my various posts, including, but not limited to:

John Boehner
Barack Obama
Ronald Reagan
James Carville
James Stewart
James Mason
Morgan Freeman
Al Pacino
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Ian McKellan
Patrick Stewart
William Shatner
Charlton Heston
Edward G. Robinson
Yul Brynner
and hundreds more
If you can think of someone else, let me know and I'll work on bringing them to life saying the things you want to hear.

You can paypal me at Cogency1@gmail.com and I'll deliver an mp3 (320 kbps) or just about any other audio file format to your email or FTP site.  My email is also the place for inquiries.  So drop me a line today!


Quantum Mechanic
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Morgan Freeman Quotes

Actual quotes from Morgan Freeman as read by me as him.

You can go to imdb and read them under his name.

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Me as Morgan Freeman promoting his new film, Olympus Has Fallen, coming March 22, 2013

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My Parody of the oft played and unintentionally funny commercial Bruce Boxleitner does for TOPIC, a hair replacement product you sprinkle on your head to appear to have a full head of hair.  My version is a little further south of the original!

"Hi, I'm Bruce Boxleitner.  I want to tell you about a new product for those of you like me who have been gradually losing your hair as well as decent roles on TV.  It's called Topic.  You just sprinkle some on your head and it sticks to the hair that's already there.  I tried all the rest, including Hair Club for Men, but I asked myself,  where did they get the hair for those bald guys?  Did it perhaps come from the nether regions?  So I decided Topic was the better choice.  Besides, it's cheaper and  it works and lord knows, since Babylon 5 went off the air, the roles have been a little thin, but not my hair.  So buy Topic today...you'll be glad you did and I'll be able to pay the rent on the condo this month."

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"This is the voice of world control."  - Colossus, the Forbin Project computer voice, updated.  Me, using Goldwave.  Great for a ringtone, especially for mother-in-law!

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Infinite You 2

Energy cannot be created or destroyed, which means your soul is infinite and limited only by the body; mainly to focus you into understanding the very concept of limitation, but not be held prisoner by it. That said, as part of the INFINITE, your potential is the same, making you much more than you perceive. And when you love without condition, you open the veil to shine in the Divine, the eternal light of the universe. Short version: be cool, be nobody's fool, and don't dismiss the bliss.

(Voice effects: Wavepad Pitch/Chorus)

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The Infinite You

Energy cannot be created or destroyed, which means your soul is infinite and limited only by the body; mainly to focus you into understanding the very concept of limitation, but not be held prisoner by it. That said, as part of the INFINITE, your potential is the same, making you much more than you perceive. And when you love without condition, you open the veil to shine in the Divine, the eternal light of the universe. Short version: be cool, be nobody's fool, and don't dismiss the bliss. (Note: The voice effects were a combination of Wavepad and Goldwave)

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Cheeses, Maury Povich and Jello shots, Kim Kardassian gets 25 grand for sending out a tweet???!! Amazing what one can do with a sex tape these days. I'd make one, but I'd have to come up with 25 grand just to get a chick to stop laughing at me so hard, she'd knock over the camera tripod. And that's even before I got undressed.
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Gotta laugh at the news media, which are all owned by vast multinational corporations, blaming the president for the meat cleaver cuts called the SICKquester, all the while failing to understand the system of government we live under. Congress makes policy, The Executive branch carries out that policy. So when evil men like John Boehner say, "where's the leadership from the president," what he really is saying is, "why won't he bow down before us like the docile slave we want him to be." So when you lose your job or when government shuts itself down on March 27 and your SocSec check is not in your bank, the person you need to call and use colorful metaphors to is John "Get off your ass" Boehner. The scary black fella has very little power. Interesting that 76% of Americans want both fair cuts to spending and additional revenue to work on reducing the deficit that was run up by two unbudgeted wars, unneccessary tax cuts during those wars, a huge expansion of the intelligence (ironic, huh?) community based on false information, a prescription drug plan to increase profits for Big Pharma that the public did not want, and a defense budget to build weapons we will never use (thousands of which rot in Utah and Nevada deserts). These are facts. And the ginned up war of the races and between the poor and the not so poor are there to distract from those facts. 1% of the population controls most of the wealth and has all the power. We all let that happen, for whatever reason. Maybe it's time we start undoing it? MAYBE it's not too late.

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"Q!  Stop this nonsense immediately!"

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Me singing the Walt Kelly version of the famous Christmas Carol:

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,

Walla Walla, Wash, and Kalamazoo!

Nora's freezin' on the trolley,

Swaller dollar cauliflower Alleygaroo!

Don't we know archaic barrel, Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou.

Trolley Molly don't love Harold, Boola Boola Pensacoola Hullabaloo!

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The 12 Days of Christmas, rewritten by Ray of the Invaders fan group and sung by me.  No inFRINGEment intended.  Get it, FRINGE fans?  The FRINGE 5th and final season storyline lifts heavily from The Invaders TV show which was created by Larry Cohen.

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