Quantum Mechanic®

Actual quotes from Morgan Freeman as read by me as him.

You can go to imdb and read them under his name.

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Me as Morgan Freeman promoting his new film, Olympus Has Fallen, coming March 22, 2013

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My Parody of the oft played and unintentionally funny commercial Bruce Boxleitner does for TOPIC, a hair replacement product you sprinkle on your head to appear to have a full head of hair.  My version is a little further south of the original!

"Hi, I'm Bruce Boxleitner.  I want to tell you about a new product for those of you like me who have been gradually losing your hair as well as decent roles on TV.  It's called Topic.  You just sprinkle some on your head and it sticks to the hair that's already there.  I tried all the rest, including Hair Club for Men, but I asked myself,  where did they get the hair for those bald guys?  Did it perhaps come from the nether regions?  So I decided Topic was the better choice.  Besides, it's cheaper and  it works and lord knows, since Babylon 5 went off the air, the roles have been a little thin, but not my hair.  So buy Topic today...you'll be glad you did and I'll be able to pay the rent on the condo this month."

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"This is the voice of world control."  - Colossus, the Forbin Project computer voice, updated.  Me, using Goldwave.  Great for a ringtone, especially for mother-in-law!

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Energy cannot be created or destroyed, which means your soul is infinite and limited only by the body; mainly to focus you into understanding the very concept of limitation, but not be held prisoner by it. That said, as part of the INFINITE, your potential is the same, making you much more than you perceive. And when you love without condition, you open the veil to shine in the Divine, the eternal light of the universe. Short version: be cool, be nobody's fool, and don't dismiss the bliss.

(Voice effects: Wavepad Pitch/Chorus)

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Energy cannot be created or destroyed, which means your soul is infinite and limited only by the body; mainly to focus you into understanding the very concept of limitation, but not be held prisoner by it. That said, as part of the INFINITE, your potential is the same, making you much more than you perceive. And when you love without condition, you open the veil to shine in the Divine, the eternal light of the universe. Short version: be cool, be nobody's fool, and don't dismiss the bliss. (Note: The voice effects were a combination of Wavepad and Goldwave)

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Cheeses, Maury Povich and Jello shots, Kim Kardassian gets 25 grand for sending out a tweet???!! Amazing what one can do with a sex tape these days. I'd make one, but I'd have to come up with 25 grand just to get a chick to stop laughing at me so hard, she'd knock over the camera tripod. And that's even before I got undressed.

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Gotta laugh at the news media, which are all owned by vast multinational corporations, blaming the president for the meat cleaver cuts called the SICKquester, all the while failing to understand the system of government we live under. Congress makes policy, The Executive branch carries out that policy. So when evil men like John Boehner say, "where's the leadership from the president," what he really is saying is, "why won't he bow down before us like the docile slave we want him to be." So when you lose your job or when government shuts itself down on March 27 and your SocSec check is not in your bank, the person you need to call and use colorful metaphors to is John "Get off your ass" Boehner. The scary black fella has very little power. Interesting that 76% of Americans want both fair cuts to spending and additional revenue to work on reducing the deficit that was run up by two unbudgeted wars, unneccessary tax cuts during those wars, a huge expansion of the intelligence (ironic, huh?) community based on false information, a prescription drug plan to increase profits for Big Pharma that the public did not want, and a defense budget to build weapons we will never use (thousands of which rot in Utah and Nevada deserts). These are facts. And the ginned up war of the races and between the poor and the not so poor are there to distract from those facts. 1% of the population controls most of the wealth and has all the power. We all let that happen, for whatever reason. Maybe it's time we start undoing it? MAYBE it's not too late.

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"Q!  Stop this nonsense immediately!"

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Me singing the Walt Kelly version of the famous Christmas Carol:

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,

Walla Walla, Wash, and Kalamazoo!

Nora's freezin' on the trolley,

Swaller dollar cauliflower Alleygaroo!

Don't we know archaic barrel, Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou.

Trolley Molly don't love Harold, Boola Boola Pensacoola Hullabaloo!

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The 12 Days of Christmas, rewritten by Ray of the Invaders fan group and sung by me.  No inFRINGEment intended.  Get it, FRINGE fans?  The FRINGE 5th and final season storyline lifts heavily from The Invaders TV show which was created by Larry Cohen.

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Me as Morgan again, quoting Rachel Maddow's favorite word when describing Romneyspeak.  Romney has Romnezia, and one of the symptoms is pathological lying.

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Morgan (me as him of course) says "Donald Trump is the honeybooboo of rich people."

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You know your philosophy is morally bankrupt, engorged with stupidity and hate when you have to resort to preventing or suppressing people from voting or having the same opportunities you have. And realizing that your days as a force for evil are numbered, you will use whatever means, including dragging your country into the ground. Time to be either on the right side of history in the making, or be removed from it.

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"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.

In  Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes

out of his  way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy

the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red

Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy  the

first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back  home in Cork at my

favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place,  they'll buy you

a drink, then another, all the drinks you like.

Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see

dat you gets  laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were  suspicious of these claims. The

Irishman swore every word was true, but they  asked, "Did this

actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did

happen to me sister quite a few times".

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The rally speech they didn't release on the news... Obama 2012!

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The 10 Commandments God has a short reparte with Mittens.

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If you're voting for Robney, don't listen...and I feel sorry for you and your family.

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Reporter asks Al Pacino what he thinks of the new TIME magazine cover with the lady breastfeeding her older child.  He says, "I might dig that, but not with my mom."

Of course, this is a skit and not the real Al.

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James Finch as Al Pacino with a dash of Frank Caliendo inflection, explains why he says "Hooah" in the movie, Scent Of A Woman.

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