Political and Entertainment Humor Peppered With A Garnish Of Logic

Same as previous, but faster download.

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Epic Retort

Ever want to say something to some a-hole who has ripped you off or is giving you some sh*t?  Well, you can use me to get your point across.  This is the censored version for those of you whose sphincters clench at the very thought of colorful metaphors.  The UNCENSORED version is 99 cents.

"Why don't you have a big steaming cup of shut the f*ck up and while you're at it, have a big cool glass of kiss my @$$.  It's on the same shelf as go f*ck yourself!"

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Wal-Mart Greeter

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no they ain't! The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am ,' replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe someone would sleep with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

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I went nuts with Wavepad and Mixpad this morning because I want Manny to have an awesome intro.  This clip features part of his original track, "Energy Overdrive".  Visit him on youtube or facebook under giomanny or TheDarkIntensity.

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Quantum Quips 7

Random observations and a look at the headlines.

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New show intro for 2010, for audio and video applications.

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Here's a free 320 sample of a nine minute thunderstorm I have mixed just for you!  This is handy for those of you having trouble sleeping like I do.  I listen to the nine minute version on repeat every night and it works like a charm.  It fades in, starts out soft, then gets intense and then fades out, sort of like a typical romance, but without all the heartache.  ENJOY!

You can get a full 9 minute version on high res mp3 for only five bucks.  So for just the cost of lunch at Mickie Dees or a half a cup of Starshmucks, you can have sweet natural bliss---well at the least the sound of it, anyway.  NO VOICES AND NO MUSIC, just a thunderstorm in living stereo!

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The Galactic Emperor and Darth Vader conspire to steal Sarah Palin to destroy what's left of the empire.  No infringement intended.  Satire only.  Tea Partiers may want to cover their ears.

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Quantum Quips #6

SNOOKI'S MUG SHOT

All I can say about this member of MENSA is "at least she didn't have that big old storage shed on her head this time, but apparently the Progressive Insurance lady jacked it."

THE BEST THING ABOUT HLN [HEADLINE NEWS] WEEKDAY MORNINGS

Robin Meade and that crazy weather guy Bob Van Dillen from Jersey in the morning make apocalyptic news seem fun.  Also, Robin is an awesome singer and most pleasing to the eye test.

RICH PAYING BEAU-COO BUCKS FOR MATCHMAKING

The news this morning says that some of the rich, who claim to be too busy to find love, are paying up to a half million dollars to find somebody to love at these high end matchmaking services, mainly to avoid gold diggers.

Mel Gibson's ears just perked up.  I'm thinking he probably met Oksana on myspace and we all know what happened next.

LEBRON THANKS AKRON FANS, SNUBS CLEVELAND

The legend in his own mind took out a full page ad to thank his fans in Akron, yet was dead silent about Cleveland.  I suppose he still might be a little miffed about Cleveland essentially burning him in effigy.

SARAH PALIN ACCUSES OBAMA OF NOT HAVING BALLS

This from a "person" wanting to ban the Spanish language and yet, in her hypocritical stupor, uses the word "Cojones."  Maybe Obeezy should just say, "funny you say that, as just the other day they were slapping you in the ass."

Seriously, though, this arrogant little bitch should have a big cup of shut the fuck up.  Or maybe two.  And by the way, she gives new meaning to the word, "honky" as that shrill voice sounds like a witch scraping her uncut fingernails against a blackboard making all the dogs within a light year start baying at the moon.  Or is it mooning at the bay?

Anyhizzle for shizzle™, I do wish she would just go back to pretending to be a housewife and a half term governor so our ears will stop bleeding.

TO MOSQUE OR NOT TO MOSQUE

I am no fan of religions, but I haven't forgotten that this country was founded on religious freedom and even freedom from religion.  Looks like most folks have forgotten their history as they rant about the proposed building of a mosque near Ground Zero in NYC.  I may not like the idea, but I would fight for the right for such a thing to be built and many Americans have given their lives for protecting that right.  Maybe it's time to find what we have in common instead of just looking at our differences.  I'm just sayin'.

CADILLAC ESCALADE MOST STOLEN CAR IN THE NATION

Which indicates it just might be wise to hide your sweet ride and just leave your 4 cylinder boxey POS out in the street.

And that's all the hubbub, bub™.

This has been the Quantum Mechanic®, your favorite hypercube, messing around with quarks so you won't have to.

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Dead Celebrity Greetings are here!  You can conjure up a dead celebrity to wish you, a friend or family member a Happy Birthday, Anniversary or whatever you like up to 2 minutes for just 9.95!  Choose from:

  • Gregory Peck
  • Charlton Heston
  • James Mason
  • John Wayne
  • Rex Harrison
  • Emperor Palpatine [from Star Wars, of course]
  • Strother Martin
  • Jimmy Stewart
  • Walter Cronkite
  • Ronald Reagan
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger --- okay he's not dead, so sue me
  • Others I can't think of off hand

Order now!  Just click on the paypal button and email the script to Cogency1@yahoo.com or PM me on my facebook page.

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Quantum Quips #5

Quantum Mechanic comments on the entertainment big events of the day, from the Michael Jackson Online Casino to Justin Bieber writing a memoir at the ripe old age of 16.  We're puttin' on the funny, just for you, honey!  OK, that was bad.  Anyhizzle for shizzle, enjoy the rants and tell Mel Gibson that I'll out-rant him any day of the week, just enough to make him look like a girl scout...a very FRILLY girl scout.

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