Political and Entertainment Humor Peppered With A Garnish Of Logic

Pundits In A Bar 6 - Trump Jokes

Tonight's Denizens are James Carville, Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton, Niall Stanage, Professor Brian Cox, Sir David Attenborough and Rachel Maddow

James Carville: Sumbitch went ahead & did it.
Bernie Sanders: By Sumbitch you mean Trump
James Carville: Yep. He's gutted Obama's Clean Power Plan and replaced it with an EO that pretty much makes Coal Company execs richer and our environment poorer.
Bernie Sanders: I think he just writes those ridiculous orders just to make himself think he's a king ruling by decree...and for the photo op.
Rachel Maddow: Those poor coal miners are caught in the middle thinking that orange douche nozzle will bring coal jobs back.  Black lung maybe, but jobs, no.
Niall Stanage: While I am a bit surprised by your use of the term Douche Nozzle, I agree that coal jobs are dwindling due mainly to automation and the Natural Gas.
James Carville: Speaking of Natural Gas, Trump's so full of shit, the methane alone ought to keep New York City warm through a hundred winters.
Bernie Sanders: Especially Queens.
Prof. Brian Cox: That orange tosser doesn't seem to know or care that he's declared war on the Green power industry, where jobs are actually growing by leaps and bounds. Solar is very popular now, as well as wind.
Rachel Maddow: Speaking of wind, Trump's hot air could replace geothermal for the whole of Iceland
Bill Clinton: I didn't know Iceland had a hole. Volcano?
James Carville: Holy shit, didn't know a former president was here in this bar.
Bill Clinton: I'm pretty good at blending in, ya know.
Rachel Maddow: Good to see you, Mr. President. What I meant about Iceland is that-
Bill Clinton: Trump could keep all of Iceland in perpetual summer with all that hot air of his.
James Carville: You're pretty fast on your feet, there, Sir.
Bill Clinton: Well, when it comes to Trump, I got a few. Trump is so nasty, he makes Al Capone seem like a Benedictine Monk after being spontaneously neutered by a rabid raccoon.
Bernie Sanders: That hurts just picturing that.
Bill Clinton: Trump is so much a Putin poodle, he takes his golden showers with a liter of Stoli's...and not necessarily in that order.
Prof. Brian Cox: That one's a little flat, kinda like Trump's erection.
Rachel Maddow: Uh oh, putting my hands on my ears now.
Prof. Brian Cox: Trump's Johnson is so tiny, you need an Aspex Electron Microscope set at 100,000 magnification.
Bernie Sanders: Not too bad, but how about this one...Trump is such a liar, he makes Bernie Madoff seem like Pope Francis after taking a bath in Sodium Pentathol.
Bill Clinton: I got one better. Donald Trump is so dishonest, he makes me look like a saint.
Bernie Sanders: Ouch, talk about feeling the burn.
Rachel Maddow: Wow. That hurt.
Bill Clinton: Well, you know the news cut me off when I was trying to explain about Monica.
Prof. Brian Cox: Really.
Niall Stanage: Do tell
Bill Clinton: I said I did not have sexual relations with that woman...cause she was a girl at the time.
Bernie Sanders: Oh brother.
James Carville: That one's so stale, a quart of cow's milk left out in the sun for a month seems fresher.
Niall Stanage: I think as you fellas drink, your jokes get drunker.
James Carville: Ha...you Hill reporters are stodgy.
Niall Stanage: I may be dodgy, but not stodgy.
Prof. Brian Cox: I bet I can drink you under the table.
Rachel Maddow: Don't indulge him. He likes his wine a little too much.
Niall Stanage: I never indulge folks from Manchester.
Prof. Brian Cox: Oh, go and get stuffed.
David Attenborough: See here, Brian, you mind your manners.
Prof. Brian Cox. Sir David Attenborough. Pardon me, sir, I didn't see you there.
David Attenborough: That's because the director said to sit out of sight. Seriously, though, I have a Trump Joke. Word has it he's hung like a tsetse fly. (James Carville laugh)
Rachel Maddow: I always thought he was hung like a Cheeto.
James Carville: I thought you cover your ears when we talk like this, Rachel
Rachel Maddow: I loosen up after 3 Hemingways.
Niall Stanage: You've had 4.
Rachel Maddow: I rest my case.

 

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QM Show 27 - #Impeach45

Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio (QM Show 27) #Impeach45

World News Headlines Read by Morgan Freeman
AP News Minute
Perspectives: Keith Olbermann of The Resistance on Trump's demise.
A Look at Trump's Wiretap lies from CNN and Fox's Shep Smith
Hillary Slams Trump in Late Night Speech
Showbiz Minute (AP)
Pundits In A Bar (Comedy)
Douche Nugget of the Week: Sean Spicer and his idiot boss Trump (WARNING: Adult Language)
Epilog

Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio brings you the truth, peppered with a sense of humor, sometimes dark, to motivate you to resist tyranny and bullshit. You don't have to agree, but I encourage you to never stop reading or asking questions. Don't always live in the mundane. Explore the universe, even if it's just in a library. Be Cool, Be Nobody's Fool...and don't dismiss the bliss.

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Pundits in a Bar (Soundtrack version)

This week's stars are

Niall Stanage, White House Correspondent For The Hill
Rachel Maddow, top anchor for MSNBC
Bernie Sanders, Senator from Vermont
Democratic strategist James Carville
Brian Cox, astrophysicist

James - Hey, Bernie, how's it hangin'?
Bernie - Um. Loose and ready for use?
James - There ya go. So finally we got to see the top 2 pages of a Trump tax return
Bernie - He leaked those to distract America from his ties to Putin and his disastrous healthcare plan that he won't even attach his name to, not to mention Snoop Dog wanting to cap his ass.
James - Oh, yeah, Trumpcare. I think that shit is dead on arrival, if you forgive the analogy.
Bernie - Paul Ryan is adding more to it to try to dress it up but his fellow party members say it's Obamacare Light. I say it's Deathcare Heavy. Lots of folks are going to lose Medicaid coverage and will end up going to the Emergency Room in hospitals that will remain open.
James - True. Who knows what will happen when the remaining hospitals maybe decide not to treat many of those folks who can't afford insurance. I know a guy in Vegas who got thrown out in the street after 4 days in the hospital when they found out he didn't have insurance.
Bernie - Makes me want to do a lot of shots tonight.
James - You and me both.
Rachel - That's not going to help. (glass breaking)
James - Holy Shit, you scared me, Rachel Maddow...always wearing black with dark sunglasses like you's some kinda federal agent. Bad enough Niall Stanage is here lookin' like Agent Smith from The Matrix.
Rachel - Sorry...it's my favorite color scheme.
Niall - Be careful, Mr. Carville...I may become Smith again and turn ya into a data stream.
James - That guy scares me.
Niall - Just watch what happens on St. Patrick's Day.
Rachel - After this week, I think we'll all be snockered by then.
Niall - Not me. I know how to handle my liquor.
Brian Cox - I bet I could drink you under the table.
Niall - I'll take that bet.
James - Looks like you scored a big story on Trump's taxes, Rachel--and you're probably tops on Trump's Enemies List.
Niall - Well, if he leaked them to Mr. Johnston, perhaps it's water under the bridge.
Bernie - Still, I'd hire a couple extra bodyguards, Rachel...and maybe purchase some Kevlar or maybe some chainmail.
Rachel - I'm not worried either way. There was nothing illegal or improper about reporting a story, especially when it's mailed to you.
Niall - Are you concerned that maybe those 2 pages were doctored?
Rachel - If they were, it gets even more problematic since the White House confirmed those numbers and if they are found to be inaccurate, it just shows even further evidence they're putting out alternate facts.
Bernie - Like I said, it's a distraction from Trumpcare and Trumprussia.
James - This whole thing reads like a movie.
Niall - With Alec Baldwin as the lead.
Bernie - With Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer
Niall - Kate McKinnon as Kelly Anne Conway
Bernie - She could also double up as the Keebler Elf From Hell
Brian Cox - and who's that.
James - Jeff Boreegard Sessions, the Atty Gen.
Brian Cox - Maybe Ms Maddow could play Steve Bannon.
Rachel. Nope. That's Rosie O'Donnell. I'm going to dye my hair and be Mike Pence.
James - Bernie and I could play ourselves and Professor Cox here could be Preet Bharara, the US attorney likely to lead the independent investigation.
Brian Cox - But I don't even look remotely like Preet.
Rachel - But you have such a sweet and honest face. You'd just have to cut your hair.
Brian Cox - Oh stop you're making me blush. Wait, what? Cut my hair. No bloody way.
Bernie - I personally think this does play like a spy movie....or a really long Twilight Zone episode without Rod Serling.
Rod Serling - It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.
James - Holy shit how the hell did he get in here? Are we dead?

 

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QM Show 26 - #Trumpcare

BRASS KNUCKLE PROGRESSIVES RADIO - QM Show 26 #Trumpcare

  • News Headlines read by Morgan Freeman
  • Trumpcare Evaluation
  • Keith Olbermann's #TheResistance
  • Liberal Redneck on #Trumpcare
  • Pundits In A Bar (Comedy)
  • Douche Nugget Of The Week: Republicans for selling bullshit "healthcare" while destroying real healthcare.

Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio is a self-sponsored non-profit News and comedy program designed to bring you the truth with a progressive flavor. DONATE to keep this podcast (and me) alive DONATE.

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BRASS KNUCKLE PROGRESSIVES RADIO - QM SHOW 25 #daywithoutawoman

  • World News reported by Morgan Freeman
  • Perspectives: #KeithOlbermann's The Resistance on Trump's Conspiracy Theories
  • Comedy Bits Niall Stanage morphs into Agent Smith from the Matrix to teach James Carville a lesson; Professor Brian Cox and Neil deGrasse Tyson duke it out in a bar.Al Franken on Jeff Sessions Purjuring himself.
  • Douche Nugget of the Week - Trump & Republicans for Smoke & Mirrors Trumpcare Rollout

Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio is broadcast worldwide every Sunday at 9 AM Eastern, 8 Central and on Wednesdays at 6 PM Eastern, 5 Central. We answer to no oorporate overlords and no short-fingered vulgarians. We bring you the truth without "alternate facts." We also provide information that the federal government has now denied to the public. We are a self-sponsored organization, so consider advertising your product or service on our show. Visit us at bkpradio.org or you can catch the podcast version of this broadcast at quantummechanic.podbean.com. Always progressive, always free! #RESIST

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James Carville thinks Niall Stanage, White House Correspondent for The Hill looks like Agent Smith. Niall becomes Smith to teach Carville a lesson.

Comedy Voice Impressions.

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BRASS KNUCKLE PROGRESSIVES RADIO - QM SHOW 24 #JointAddress

  • World News reported by Morgan Freeman
  • Perspectives: #KeithOlbermann on Grand Jury Needed to Investigate Trump
  • Joint Address Analysis
  • Jon Stewart on Media Getting Its Groove Back
  • Douche Nugget of the Week - Trump

Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio is broadcast worldwide every Sunday at 9 AM Eastern, 8 Central and on Wednesdays at 6 PM Eastern, 5 Central. We answer to no oorporate overlords and no short-fingered vulgarians. We bring you the truth without "alternate facts." We also provide information that the federal government has now denied to the public. We are a self-sponsored organization, so your help is greatly needed and appreciated. Visit us at bkpradio.org or you can catch the podcast version of this broadcast at quantummechanic.podbean.com. Always progressive, always free! #RESIST

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