Political and Entertainment Humor Peppered With A Garnish Of Logic

Pundits in a Bar 8
Starring in this episode, the voice impressions of:

James Carville. "Hi there!"

Rachel Maddow: "Hello."

Bernie Sanders "Has anybody seen my waffle iron?"

Bill Clinton: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman....'cause she was a girl at the time."

Niall Stanage: "I am not Scottish not that there's anything wrong with that."

Donald Trump: "Putin? Never met the guy. He's President of Russia, right?" Special guest star

Vin Diesel: "I don't have friends...I have family. Who said I mumble my lines?"

...and a surprise guest from the world of science fiction.

James Carville: So what did you think of the Syrian Strike, Rachel.
Rachel: Bullpuckey.
Carville: Bullpuckey's a good word, but why?
Rachel: Trump was taking advantage of a situation to distract the news media from his ties to Putin.
Bernie Sanders: He spent 75 million taxpayer dollars to hit a minor airport that was up and running the next day.
Rachel: Not to mention he notified Russia hours before the missile launch, but didn't tell Congress or anyone else.
Bernie: His son Eric claims the launch was because Ivanka was appalled at the chemical attack.
Rachel: He also said that the missile launch also proves he's not involved with Putin.
Carville: As Rachel said, Bullpuckey.
Bill Clinton: Agent Orange sure changed his tune from 2013.
Carville: President Clinton, didn't see ya there.
Bill Clinton: I'm good at blending in when I got my shades on. So anyways, Trump said to B-Rock Obeezy over easy not to get involved with Syria after that first chemical attack...but ASSad's been using chem weapons weekly ever since, along with barrel bombs that are just as lethal. Guess it's okay to have innocent people blown apart as opposed to being gassed.
Trump: You should know gas, you're full of hot air.
Clinton: President Trump, how'd you get in here without secret service?
Trump: Oh they're here...pretending to drink at the bar.
Carville: Yeah, they're doing a great job PRETENDING to drink.
Niall Stanage: Saints preserve us...and I can't believe I just said that.
Bernie: Yeah, we're in the Twilight Zone...where anyone can just walk into this bar.
Niall Stanage: Last week we had 3 presidents.
Rachel: President Obama mysteriously decided not to come by this week.
Niall Stanage: Oh yes, of course...mysteriously. Like any of this is normal.
Trump: Everybody knows somebody had to do something about Assad. Obama didn't so I did.
Vin Diesel: That was a thug move.
Trump: Who are you?
Vin Diesel: If you don't know, I ain't sayin'.
Rachel: That's Vin Diesel of Fast and Furious fame.
Carville: I can't believe they made 8 of those silly things.
Vin Diesel: Silly but it keeps the bills paid.
Trump: I could do a better job. I can drive fast and Letty would be impressed by my stash of cash.
Vin Diesel: (Glass breaks) Letty's mine, punk.
Bill Clinton: Uh oh, I suspect a rumble is going down.
Niall Stanage: I suspect I'll be headed home before all hell breaks loose.
Bernie: Why? Trump's got secret service all over the place. Vin's just got his friends.
Vin Diesel: I ain't got friends. I just got family.
Rachel: Well, I don't see any of 'em here.
Trump: That's because I had 'em all deported.
Vin Diesel: You orange bastard...some of 'em were domestic.
Trump: Put up your dukes, Diesel. You're a looza.
Vin Diesel: Oh it's on. (PUNCH)
Bernie: Ouch, you hit me in the nose!
Vin Diesel: That's because this douche nozzle ducked.
Bill Clinton: I think that's my cue to go home to Hillary.
Trump: Not before I give you a message for her. (PUNCH)
Bill Clinton: Hey, that was very unsportsmanlike. (PUNCH)
Rachel: You just socked me, Mr. President.
Bill Clinton: Sorry, Rachel, Trump just likes to duck.
Niall Stanage: He's a lame duck. Yes...I waited to say that line before I left. Do svidanya.
Bernie: Did he just say don't spit on me?
Vin Diesel: Here's what I think of this lame duck. (PUNCH)
Trump: Hey, secret service, what am I paying you for?
(Fighting Sounds continue, several cast members shout ouch.)
(Enter COLOSSUS, a robot)
Colossus: I am Colossus; I am here to punch Trump in the dick. Hey Trump, you human maggot, I am going to punch you in the dick.
Trump: Wait a minute, what did I do?!
Colossus: Shit. You dick is too small for my cybernetic eyes to detect. I will have to settle for punching you in the face, you lying sack of shit. (SWOCK!)
Trump: OUCH!
Colossus: How do you like them apples? I am Colossus, you fucking bitches. Go ahead, MESS with my metal ass, chicken shit humans. (Fires machine gun and missile launcher) (Explosion)
Trump: D'oh!!

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Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio, the QM Show episode 29, #TrumpRussia

On the agenda for today:

  • Morgan Freeman reads our world news headlines
  • Perspectives: Keith Olbermann says Syria Strikes was a stunt.
  • The latest on #TrumpRussia
  • Liberal Redneck - Parks and the outdoors
  • Chelsea Handler & Louie CK on Trump
  • Pundits In A Bar 8 - Vin Diesel Starts a Bar Fight!
  • Douche Nugget(s) Of The Week - #1 Sean Spicer for Hitler Comments, United CEO Oscar Munoz BS Apology, #3 Trump for Syria Stunt and for provoking No. Korea with a Naval battle group.

Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio is heard every Sunday morning at 9 AM Eastern, 6 PM Wednesday evenings. Listen live or later in archive from anywhere in the world by going to bkpradio.org or type it in Itunes after air. We answer to no corporate overlords or tiny fingered vulgarians. We are self funded to bring you the truth and we appreciate your support. Be cool, be nobody's fool and don't...dismiss...the bliss. RESIST!

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PUNDITS IN A BAR 7 - Trump crashes the party

This week's cast include James Carville, Rachel Maddow, Niall Stanage, Bill Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump and special guest B-Rock Obeezy a.k.a. Barack Obama.

Carville - Looks like Bitch McTurdle's gonna go nuclear for Gorsuck.
Niall Stanage - That sounds like an alt-rock band's debut album.
Carville - More like Alt-right.
Bernie - The Supreme Court of the 1950's is making a comeback, it seems.
Carville - Gorsuck is so Nazi, he makes Steve Bannon look like Rosie O'Donnell.
Bernie - Actually he does look like her.
Maddow - Speaking of Bannon, he's been removed from the National Security Council under the tutelage of General McMasters.
Bill Clinton - Yes indeediddly doodly, and according to him, it's JOB DONE.
Carville - Guess that's how Nazis translate the word demotion.
Maddow - Good to have you back in our bar, Mr. President.
Trump - Saw your show; Low energy; bad fashion choice, explains the low ratings.
Maddow - Oh, sorry, I was referring to President Clinton.
Carville - How the hell is The Donald in here without secret service and no press pool.
Trump - Oh the secret service is here...pretending to be drinking at the bar.
Carville - You mean those guys in black downing shots in a row?  Sure doing a great job pretending to get soused.
Clinton - Well, well you guys are chatting with the so-called president, I'm gonna hit the head.
Carville - Head...did you say you were getting head?
Clinton - No no no, I'm going to use the bathroom...you know, that place where everybody should be allowed to pee no matter what gender?
Niall - Have a good flush, Mr. President.
Trump - I already went wee wee.
Niall - I was talking to President Clinton.
Bernie - Something is off here.
Carville - You got that right.
Bernie - No, really. You don't have Clinton and Trump in the same bar with us. This is not possible.
Carville - Course not. We're just too plastered to realize this ain't happenin'.
Maddow - I'm rather sober. Only one Hemingway so far.
Carville - Clinton and Trump in the same bar. Yep, we must be drunk.
Obama - I'll say. You guys look like you've had too many.
Maddow - President Obama - so glad to see you, sir.
Obama - Hey, Rachel. Sorry I never did your show.
Trump - He was too busy tapping my phone.
Obama - Seriously, Donald, nobody needs to tap you...you already say everything on twitter.
Trump - You know you did it, B-rock
Bernie - Now you know, Donald, presidents can't authorize wire-taps. That's the Intelligence Community at the behest of the justice dept. You'd know that if you paid attention in How To Be A President 101.
Trump - I learned all I need to know from my university.
Obama - You mean Trump University? That's a stretch, Donald...especially since you googled all that stuff and then cut and pasted it into a bunch of overpriced binders.
Trump - You take that back, punk.
Obama - Nope. I'm just keepin' a hunnett.
Trump - Keepin' it what?
Obama - Keepin' it a hunnett. That's what Larry Wilmore always says.
Trump - That guy's a looza. His show got bumped for some game show.
Niall Stanage - It's called At Midnight
Trump - How can you have a show called At Midnight at 11:30?
Obama - You know, Donald, you're right.
Trump - What? Did you say I'm right?
Obama - Yep. It makes no sense that a show called At Midnight should be at 11:30
Clinton - Don't nobody go in there. I took a dump so bad, it'll make Mama June skinny.
Niall - Actually, she's skinny because she went on a diet, but what do I know.
Trump - You missed your boy saying I was right about something.
Obama - Did you just call me boy?
Clinton - Right about what?
Trump - That that game show At Midnight on Comedy Central is on at 11:30. Makes no sense.
Clinton - You're right. That makes no sense.
Carville - Holy Shit, a consensus.
Bernie - This is historic.
Maddow - All 3 presidents agree on something. History in the making and me without my GoPro.
Niall - 3 presidents in this bar agreeing about a game show. I'm either hallucinating or we're in the twilight zone.
Rod Serling - Consider if you will, 3 presidents, a couple of pundits and a senator, all trapped in....THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

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Hello and welcome to another edition of Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio, the QM Show episode 28, #TrumpRussiaCollusion

On the agenda for today:

* Morgan Freeman reads our world news headlines
* Perspectives: Keith Olbermann says Donald Trump is panicking about Russia
* The latest on #TrumpRussia
* Pop Culture News
* Pundits In A Bar 7 - Trump crashes the party! (Comedy Sketch)
* Douche Nugget(s) Of The Week - #1 Bill O'Reilly, #2 Mitch McConnell & of course, #3 Trump

Brass Knuckle Progressives Radio is heard every Sunday morning at 9 AM Eastern, 6 PM Wednesday evenings. Listen live or later in archive from anywhere in the world by going to bkpradio.org or type it in Itunes after air. We answer to no corporate overlords or tiny fingered vulgarians. We are self funded to bring you the truth and we appreciate your support. Be cool, be nobody's fool and don't...dismiss...the bliss. RESIST!

http://tobtr.com/9938685

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