Political and Entertainment Humor Peppered With A Garnish Of Logic

Pundits in a Bar 8
Starring in this episode, the voice impressions of:

James Carville. "Hi there!"

Rachel Maddow: "Hello."

Bernie Sanders "Has anybody seen my waffle iron?"

Bill Clinton: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman....'cause she was a girl at the time."

Niall Stanage: "I am not Scottish not that there's anything wrong with that."

Donald Trump: "Putin? Never met the guy. He's President of Russia, right?" Special guest star

Vin Diesel: "I don't have friends...I have family. Who said I mumble my lines?"

...and a surprise guest from the world of science fiction.

James Carville: So what did you think of the Syrian Strike, Rachel.
Rachel: Bullpuckey.
Carville: Bullpuckey's a good word, but why?
Rachel: Trump was taking advantage of a situation to distract the news media from his ties to Putin.
Bernie Sanders: He spent 75 million taxpayer dollars to hit a minor airport that was up and running the next day.
Rachel: Not to mention he notified Russia hours before the missile launch, but didn't tell Congress or anyone else.
Bernie: His son Eric claims the launch was because Ivanka was appalled at the chemical attack.
Rachel: He also said that the missile launch also proves he's not involved with Putin.
Carville: As Rachel said, Bullpuckey.
Bill Clinton: Agent Orange sure changed his tune from 2013.
Carville: President Clinton, didn't see ya there.
Bill Clinton: I'm good at blending in when I got my shades on. So anyways, Trump said to B-Rock Obeezy over easy not to get involved with Syria after that first chemical attack...but ASSad's been using chem weapons weekly ever since, along with barrel bombs that are just as lethal. Guess it's okay to have innocent people blown apart as opposed to being gassed.
Trump: You should know gas, you're full of hot air.
Clinton: President Trump, how'd you get in here without secret service?
Trump: Oh they're here...pretending to drink at the bar.
Carville: Yeah, they're doing a great job PRETENDING to drink.
Niall Stanage: Saints preserve us...and I can't believe I just said that.
Bernie: Yeah, we're in the Twilight Zone...where anyone can just walk into this bar.
Niall Stanage: Last week we had 3 presidents.
Rachel: President Obama mysteriously decided not to come by this week.
Niall Stanage: Oh yes, of course...mysteriously. Like any of this is normal.
Trump: Everybody knows somebody had to do something about Assad. Obama didn't so I did.
Vin Diesel: That was a thug move.
Trump: Who are you?
Vin Diesel: If you don't know, I ain't sayin'.
Rachel: That's Vin Diesel of Fast and Furious fame.
Carville: I can't believe they made 8 of those silly things.
Vin Diesel: Silly but it keeps the bills paid.
Trump: I could do a better job. I can drive fast and Letty would be impressed by my stash of cash.
Vin Diesel: (Glass breaks) Letty's mine, punk.
Bill Clinton: Uh oh, I suspect a rumble is going down.
Niall Stanage: I suspect I'll be headed home before all hell breaks loose.
Bernie: Why? Trump's got secret service all over the place. Vin's just got his friends.
Vin Diesel: I ain't got friends. I just got family.
Rachel: Well, I don't see any of 'em here.
Trump: That's because I had 'em all deported.
Vin Diesel: You orange bastard...some of 'em were domestic.
Trump: Put up your dukes, Diesel. You're a looza.
Vin Diesel: Oh it's on. (PUNCH)
Bernie: Ouch, you hit me in the nose!
Vin Diesel: That's because this douche nozzle ducked.
Bill Clinton: I think that's my cue to go home to Hillary.
Trump: Not before I give you a message for her. (PUNCH)
Bill Clinton: Hey, that was very unsportsmanlike. (PUNCH)
Rachel: You just socked me, Mr. President.
Bill Clinton: Sorry, Rachel, Trump just likes to duck.
Niall Stanage: He's a lame duck. Yes...I waited to say that line before I left. Do svidanya.
Bernie: Did he just say don't spit on me?
Vin Diesel: Here's what I think of this lame duck. (PUNCH)
Trump: Hey, secret service, what am I paying you for?
(Fighting Sounds continue, several cast members shout ouch.)
(Enter COLOSSUS, a robot)
Colossus: I am Colossus; I am here to punch Trump in the dick. Hey Trump, you human maggot, I am going to punch you in the dick.
Trump: Wait a minute, what did I do?!
Colossus: Shit. You dick is too small for my cybernetic eyes to detect. I will have to settle for punching you in the face, you lying sack of shit. (SWOCK!)
Trump: OUCH!
Colossus: How do you like them apples? I am Colossus, you fucking bitches. Go ahead, MESS with my metal ass, chicken shit humans. (Fires machine gun and missile launcher) (Explosion)
Trump: D'oh!!

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