Political and Entertainment Humor Peppered With A Garnish Of Logic

Two of my favorite actors, Leslie Nielsen and Raymond Burr, in Heaven, act out a scene from Airplane!

Darth Vader: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now *I* am the master. Obi-Wan: Only a master of evil, Darth. [lightsabers clash]

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight. For the ends of Being and ideal Grace I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for right I love thee purely, as they turn from praise I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, --I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman....'cause she was a girl at the time."

Bill tries in vain to read the following from Hamlet:

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,"

John Wayne on Courage

"Courage is being scared to death...and saddling up anyway." (from imdb)

John Wayne’s Origin

"When I started, I knew I was no actor and I went to work on this Wayne thing. It was as deliberate a projection as you'll ever see. I figured I needed a gimmick, so I dreamed up the drawl, the squint and a way of moving meant to suggest that I wasn't looking for trouble but would just as soon throw a bottle at your head as not. I practiced in front of a mirror." (from imdb)

"You can't eat awards...or more to the point, drink 'em." (from imdb)

John Wayne on Humility

"Goddamn, I'm the Stuff Men are Made of." (from imdb.)

"I'm an American actor. I work with my clothes on. I have to. Riding a horse can be pretty tough on your legs and elsewheres."  (from imdb.)

John Wayne Marines Poem

"The Sky Is Blue...

The Grass Is Green...

Get Up Off Your Ass

And Join the Marines."

A brief message from beyond the grave from Gregory Peck.

"We're in the shitter now, homey G."