Political and Entertainment Humor Peppered With A Garnish Of Logic

Two of my favorite actors, Leslie Nielsen and Raymond Burr, in Heaven, act out a scene from Airplane!

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Darth Vader: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now *I* am the master. Obi-Wan: Only a master of evil, Darth. [lightsabers clash]

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How do I love thee? Let me count the ways I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight. For the ends of Being and ideal Grace I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for right I love thee purely, as they turn from praise I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, --I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

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"I did not have sexual relations with that woman....'cause she was a girl at the time."

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Bill tries in vain to read the following from Hamlet:

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,"
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John Wayne on Courage

"Courage is being scared to death...and saddling up anyway." (from imdb)

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John Wayne’s Origin

"When I started, I knew I was no actor and I went to work on this Wayne thing. It was as deliberate a projection as you'll ever see. I figured I needed a gimmick, so I dreamed up the drawl, the squint and a way of moving meant to suggest that I wasn't looking for trouble but would just as soon throw a bottle at your head as not. I practiced in front of a mirror." (from imdb)

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"You can't eat awards...or more to the point, drink 'em." (from imdb)

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John Wayne on Humility

"Goddamn, I'm the Stuff Men are Made of." (from imdb.)

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"I'm an American actor. I work with my clothes on. I have to. Riding a horse can be pretty tough on your legs and elsewheres."  (from imdb.)

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John Wayne Marines Poem

"The Sky Is Blue...

The Grass Is Green...

Get Up Off Your Ass

And Join the Marines."

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A brief message from beyond the grave from Gregory Peck.

"We're in the shitter now, homey G."

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